The Search for Meaning: Why Purpose Matters

At some point in our lives, often at multiple stages as a teenager, turning 30, in our mid-40s and whilst entering retirement, we find ourselves asking questions that feel bigger than what's on the to-do list. We start to ask ourselves Why am I doing this? What is the point? What am I moving towards? These questions sit at the heart of the very human search for meaning and purpose. Whilst they can feel unsettling, it's important to remember that these are normal doubts that we all contemplate throughout our lives.

Meaning is not a luxury, as it is something we all search for regardless of our backgrounds, where we are born or the situation in which we find ourselves. Nor is it a philosophical indulgence, this isn't something that only academics debate, but what we all mull over on the train to work, over coffee or in bed before we fall asleep. I would suggest that this is a philosophical necessity, working out what our purpose in life is. Having a sense of purpose gives our lives direction and coherence. It helps us tolerate difficulty, make choices and remain engaged in the world, even when life feels uncertain or overwhelming.

Why Purpose Helps Us Get Up in the Morning

Purpose provides motivation. It gives us a reason to wake up, to show up to work, to invest in relationships and imagine what a potential future could look like. This doesn't mean we have to have one grand, lifelong, mission or set goal that is rigid. We are allowed to change our minds or what we want as a response to life, as it is ever changing and things happen to which we need to react and be flexible. That change may be questioned by others, but it is your choice, your life and for you alone to find individual meaning or purpose. However, more often than not, meaning is found in smaller, everyday commitments such as caring for others and choosing to spending time with them, contributing through work, creating something, learning or simply staying connected to those around us.

When we have a sense of purpose, we are able to see our daily lives in a more positive light, so for example, we don't feel stuck like a hamster on the wheel but enjoy going to work and leaving with a sense of achievement, building good, positive rapports with colleagues and it transcends to become more than just a set routine that pays the bills. Purpose in relationships, pop psychology talks about 'being intentional', provides relationships that feel anchored. In other words, they are easy and don't require effort to maintain rather than being draining. I'm sure you can think of a few relationships that you have currently, where everything is one-sided. That might look like you being the one, who always gets in touch to arrange meeting up or seeing each other, you are the one always listening to the other and never being able to share your personal worries and concerns, as well as a feeling of being used. Through choosing relationships, which are emotionally two-way, we are able to seek out connections which are meaningful and fulfilling.

Living with a strong sense of purpose also means that goals feel worth striving for, even when progress is slow. If we know what we are aiming for and don't lose sight of that, the passion will carry us regardless of setbacks. Now, whether that is setting up a business, moving regions or countries, or retraining/studying, we can stay the course and push on when we have a sense of purpose. Of course, there will be bumps and the journey to reaching our goals are not smooth and easy, however, having a clear sense of purpose means that the knock backs are more bearable, because it exists in service of something we want.

Without this sense of meaning, life can begin to feel empty or mechanical. Many clients often describe feeling lost, numb, directionless, or disconnected, from both themselves and others not just from the world. This lack of purpose is frequently at the core of what I and other therapists call "an existential crisis."

When Meaning Is Absent

A lack of purpose doesn't happen over night. It can creep up onto us through persistent low-level dissatisfaction, burnout, anxiety or a sense that life is passing by without us really participating in it, feeling like a passenger or an observer of our own lives. Even outwardly "successful" lives, at least what might appear to be successful on social media through travelling and running businesses, can actually feel hollow and empty, if they are not aligned with what feels meaningful on the inside.

Existential therapists, like me, often see clients who say things like "I don't know what I'm doing this for", "I feel empty, even though everything looks fine" and "I've done everything I was supposed to, but it doesn't feel like me or that I've done it." These experiences are not signs of failure, they are signals suggesting that something needs our attention, something needs us to slow down, take stock and think about what our meaning is and how we move into a place, which feels more like us.

The Will to Meaning

Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl suggested that our primary human motivation is the will to meaning. He observed that people can endure extraordinary suffering, if they can find meaning with it. This, he illustrated in his book Man's Search for Meaning, one that I strongly recommend you read, through his first-hand account of his experience through World War II. Conversely, when meaning and purpose is absent, psychological distress, those negative feelings and thoughts, often increases, even in financially comfortable or professionally successful circumstances.

So, how do we find meaning? Well, there are a few ways we can achieve this. Firstly, what we give to the world, in other words what we create or set up or what we contribute to our communities. This could be through work, caring for others, charity or community projects anything where we are putting out into the world for the benefit of others. Another way is through our experience. Basically, what we receive from the world, such as love, beauty and connection with others, nature and the world around us. The third way of finding meaning is through our attitude and how we sit with unavoidable suffering or negative situations, think of the phrase "make the best of a bad situation".

Importantly, Frankl emphasised that meaning cannot be given or prescribed, and this is where my work comes into it as I work with my clients to help them find their own meaning relative to their lives and circumstances. Meaning and purpose must be discovered personally through engagement with life and responsibility for our choices, which can be done safely in session.

Meaninglessness as an Existential Crisis

When we talk about existential crisis, there are four concerns that we deal with and question: loneliness, freedom of choice, death and meaninglessness. When we explore these themes, anxiety arises when we avoid confronting our reality and where we are in life currently.

A lack of meaning or purpose in life might sound terrifying, I would suggest that it offers a level of freedom. Although life has no inherent purpose, one that even religion and philosophy struggle to define coherently, we are invited to create it. It is for us to decide what the meaning or purpose of life is on an individual level.

For this reason, I don't ask my clients what the meaning of life is, instead I ask them something more personal like "What makes your life meaningful to you?"

Journalling and Self-Reflection as Everyday Tools

If you are thinking about getting started, then journalling and self-reflection are powerful ways to begin exploring your own sense of meaning. Regularly pausing to reflect on what is meaningful and purposeful in your life creates an opportunity to spot patterns, desires or wishes that you keep revisiting as well as neglected parts of you and your life.

Journalling can be difficult to get started with, but once you get going you will find that your thoughts will flow with ease. Remember the only audience reading this is you, so it doesn't need to be perfect nor a Waterstone's beststeller! Here are some prompts to get you started, try answering the following questions:

• When do I feel most like myself? Who am I with? Where am I? What am I doing in those moments?

• What feels meaningful in my life right now, even if it's difficult to do?

• What am I currently avoiding, and why? This could be a conversation, a task or a possibly dream/goal.

• If I were living more honestly doing the things I love doing deep down, what might change in my current day to day?

Meaning often emerges not from overthinking, but listening more closely to our experiences, emotions and values, all of which will flow naturally once you start writing.

Finding Meaning Through Therapy

Now, some of my clients come to me after journalling. They find that journalling has brought stuff up for them, which they want to discuss in session with a professional. It's the perfect opportunity to explore some of the points prompted by journalling in greater detail by exploring questions of purpose without rushing to answers, which are not genuine or true to you. In sessions, I focus on helping clients reconnect with their values, choices and sense of agency, basically looking at the level of freedom they have to make changes in their lives.

Together we explore what matters to them beyond expectations and roles, such as being a parent, a business owner, a student and how society expects them to behave. We look at where they feel most alive or engaged with the world, so what does that look like and what does it entail, as well as what feels missing or unresolved in their lives. This could be things like having a successful business, but no relationship with a significant other, or being a parent but losing who they are and their own interests.

Through therapy, my clients are able to find their own sense of purpose and meaning without me offering solutions or my personal opinion, because ultimately my idea of a successful and meaningful life where I feel fulfilled, will look very different for someone else. Instead, together I support my clients to reach their own conclusion without judgement, unwanted opinions or societal discouragement. I want my clients to live in the best way possible, being true to themselves and not feeling forced to live a life which is appealing to society, their friends or their family.

Meaning as an Ongoing Process

Purpose is not something we find once and keep forever. It shifts as we change, grow, age and as circumstances evolve, as well as when losses and transitions reshape us. Feeling lost at various times in our lives is not a failure, it is a very normal part of being human.

By engaging with these questions rather than avoiding them, we open ourselves to a deeper, more meaningful way of living. Meaning is not about having all the answers, it is about sticking with what matters to us, and that can change.

In a world that often prioritises productivity and external success, often monetary, the search for meaning invites us to slow down, reflect, and choose lives that feel worth living from the inside out.